i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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