I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
