oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
