but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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