I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need to sanitize my soul.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
