he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
