She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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