i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
