Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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