I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
