just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
