why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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