sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
