I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
