Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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