walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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