Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
