I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
