OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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