Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
