Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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