I am midnight drunk by noon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
