He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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