Ambien. No doubt about it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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