Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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