maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
please come you make the beer taste better
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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