Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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