After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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