I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
