So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
