i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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