Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Farmville is her only friend.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
