It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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