I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
