Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
