i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
