SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
