I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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