My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
