Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
