So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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