An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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