Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you bring me the toilet please
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
