there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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