allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please, let me fuck your mom
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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