you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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