so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
