I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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