The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
