Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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