he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
