Sponge bath it is.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
