Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
