The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
