But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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